Baby #1 Turns 6!

On your 5th birthday I was trying to come to grips with the fact that you would be starting kindergarten in the fall. You seemed too old at the time.

By the time this picture was taken, you were half way through kindergarten and had become a big sister for the second time. You and Macie started to play outside by yourselves and love to come in for some hot chocolate to warm up before lunch.

Here you are. 6. There are not words to describe how I feel about you turning one year older. Happy, sad, amazed, proud, excited, and so many more that really don't even touch on how I truly feel. 

Some things about you:

• You are an amazing big sister. You help me out all the time. Whether it is running to get me something or unbuckling your sisters in the van once we get somewhere, you are a helper. Your sisters also look to you for help and guidance. They want to be where you are. Although this can be annoying at times, they love you and I hope you see it that way one day.
• This is the first year I have gotten to stay home with you and your sisters part time. It has been great. You love going to daycare, and you tell me that you love it, but when you get to be home with me, there are many kisses, hugs and "I love you Mama"s.
• You got to be in gymnastics and soccer this year. You love gymnastics and can't wait to start up again. You also love soccer because Daddy is your coach, although you wish there wasn't so much running.
• Kindergarten has been a lot of fun for you. I have watched you learn your star words and make new friends. We hear a lot about Ella and Connor in your class (not the Connor from across the street.) You circle words you know in our church bulletins and write our names on any piece of paper you can find. 
• You learned how to ride a two wheeler this year! You started off riding the little Dora bike in the basement at the end of the winter and once it was warm enough to ride outside, it just clicked. You haven't stopped since.
• You also lost two teeth so far and started to get in 4 molars. You lost your two bottom teeth and Evie just got two in! Daddy pulled your first tooth out and you were ok until you felt the hole in your mouth. You immediately started crying even though the worst part was over. We put your tooth under your pillow and the tooth fairy gave you $2. One to save or spend and one to donate. First you wanted to give your dollar to your Grandma and Grandpa, then after some talk about what donating meant, you decided to help the animals. You donated your dollar plus 4 more to the Humane Society. 
• When you first meet someone, you seem very shy, but usually all it takes is for that person to ask you to play or smile at you and you open up like a book. I love watching this transformation happen in just seconds. And when it is time to go, you make sure that you give hugs to EVERYONE! People melt when you hug them.
• I know there is a lot more I can say about you, but these are the main things that come to mind right now.

I love you big girl. I wish there was some way to stop you from growing up because it makes me sad. I also know that there is a lot of fun stuff coming up and I am really excited for that. So, I will just keep writing and posting pictures so I can try and remember what you were like at this exact moment.

Love Always,

Mommy.

Chili of the White Variety

I got this recipe from a friend of mine and I love it! You can cook the chicken in the crock pot with all the other ingredients and it shreds and falls apart beautifully, but you can also cook the chicken in the oven first, then put all the ingredients in the crock pot and cook. If you choose to cook it that way, it will only take 2-3 hours in the crock pot.

White Chicken Chili
3 or 4 chicken breasts (preferably thawed, but I have used frozen)
2 15 oz. cans of Northern Beans
1 16 oz. jar of GF salsa
1 lb Monterrey Jack cheese - cubed or shredded to melt
1 14 oz. can diced tomatoes with green chilies (Or another canned diced tomato blend that you like)
1 tbsp. GF taco sauce

Cook 4-5 hours in crock pot on medium. The longer this is able to sit, the better.

*As always check your ingredients if you are making this recipe gluten free. We use Pace salsa and Ortega taco sauce. Right now they are gluten free, but I check the labels consistently for any changes that may have been made.

Soups On!

This is so easy to make. It is what I call a "dump soup" because all you need to do is open a bunch of cans and DUMP it in the pot! It is in the regular rotation at our house all through the winter. Thanks Aunt Theresa for the recipe!

Southwest Soup
1 lb.  chicken breasts (I use 3 or 4 chicken breasts - depending on how big they are, or get a rotisserie chicken and use the breast and some of the dark meat too.) Cut into bite size pieces.
1 small onion - chopped (or half of a medium onion)
4 garlic cloves
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 cans corn - drained
2 cans black beans - rinsed and drained
1 32 oz. box of chicken broth (gluten free if desired)
2 cans diced tomatoes with green chili - NOT drained
2 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. chili powder
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper (optional)

*This is the amount I make for my family and it is enough to have leftovers. If you would like to make a smaller batch decrease ingredients by half. It will also freeze well.

Dump all ingredients into a stock pot and heat. Eat when ready!

We like to eat this like a salsa with tortilla chips.

We'll All Float On Alright

Dear Rory,

Yep. Its been about that long since I have written you a letter. You come sneaking up on me when I least expect it. I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing, but it definitely is a thing.

This week it was Natalie. We were at church and instead of having the prayers of the people read by one person, sometimes the congregation writes their prayers down and we bring them up to a basket at the front of the church. Sunday was one of those times. I asked Natalie if there was anyone she wanted to pray for, if she knew of anyone who was sick that she wanted to feel better. She said "Rory." I was completely caught off guard.

Her prayer went something like this (with some guidance from me):
Dear God, I hope Rory feels better now that he is up in heaven with you. Love Natalie.

Then, today Brian and I were cleaning out our room and he found a notebook with a score sheet in it. It was the last time we played "Jables" with you. Not to mention all the pictures from your funeral that we had hidden in a drawer because we couldn't look at them anymore.

Finally, in a conversation that Brian had with his aunt about music, Modest Mouse's Float On was brought up. All day it has been playing in my head. Maybe this is the next stage of my grief. Maybe it is the next stage of understanding my faith. Am I letting you go?  Is God trying to heal my heart? I'm not sure about any of that. What I am sure about is that it's a damn good song.

I miss you terribly.
I love you dearly.
I'm sad you're not here.
Gina

Enchilada!

Are you wondering why I am posting all of these recipes? Well, let me tell you...

Brian has work wives. Yes, work wives. It isn't enough to just have me. He has not one but TWO work wives. I don't think he was looking for them. He must have a helplessness about him and some women must be drawn to that. Or, he is starting to produce estrogen. Either way, when we have a lot of left overs from dinner, Brian will bring extra a share. (Yes, he did well in kindergarten.)

On top of sharing my meals with the ladies, he proceeded to show them our Google Calendar. Each of us in the family has a color that shows up on the calendar when we have things going on. Well, there is also a dinner calendar. I plan meals for about two weeks, and buy groceries accordingly. It has taken me a LONG time to work this out, but when Natalie was diagnosed with Celiac, I had to plan more. I didn't have a choice. No more fast food or Campbell's Soup casseroles for us. There are also weeks that I don't plan because I fell off the wagon, but I try and do it because it helps us eat healthier meals.

So, the wives have wanted a couple of my recipes and I thought this was the easiest way for them as well as others to get some new dinner ideas.

This is one of Brian's favorite meals that I make. My mom used to make enchiladas using Hormel Chili instead of enchilada sauce. Imagine my surprise that while grocery shopping one day, I found sauce specifically for ENCHILADAS! However, I did not notice that the sauce came in mild and hot, and I proceeded to buy the hot. I make sure to check the label now. I adapted my mother's recipe and came up with this. Enjoy!

Enchiladas
1 lb. hamburger
2 cans refried beans
2 c. shredded cheese (I use Colby Jack, but you can use what you have in the fridge)
1 or 2 cans enchilada sauce - depending on how many you are making
2 packages of burrito size flour tortillas
lettuce
salsa or tomato or both
avocado
tortilla chips
sour cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brown hamburger in large pan and drain grease. Add refried beans and 1 c. shredded cheese. Mix and warm until smooth and cheese is melted. Scoop meat/bean mixture into tortillas. I usually use a soup spoon and put two heaping spoonfuls into a tortilla and roll it up pretty snug. Continue to do this until all mixture is used. For me, this usually makes about 10-12 enchiladas.

If making 4 enchiladas:
Use one can enchilada sauce. Spray bottom of glass 8x11 or 9x13 with cooking spray. Pour small amount of sauce onto the bottom of your dish and spread around to coat. If you forget to do this, your enchiladas will stick to the bottom of your baking dish. Place 4 enchiladas into your dish and pour the rest of the enchilada sauce over the enchiladas. Cover with foil and bake for 30-40 min until sauce is bubbly. Remove from oven, take off the foil and top with 1 cup cheese. Put back into oven uncovered until cheese is melted. Serve with taco toppings. Enjoy!

BONUS!
What I love about this recipe is that sometimes I will just make the enchiladas and wrap 4-5 of them in plastic wrap and put them in the freezer. When I want to make them, I grab them out of the freezer, put them in a dish, cook and dinner is done! You can thaw them or cook them frozen. Just follow the steps above. If you are cooking them frozen, they will take 50-60 minutes.

GLUTEN FREE
I know you think I've lost my marbles saying this recipe is gluten free. Because, its not. But when we have enchiladas, what I will do, is save some of the meat/bean mixture for Natalie and spread it on corn tortillas for her and cook it on the stove top, like a quesadilla but with beans and meat instead of just cheese. I have tried using corn tortillas instead of flour for this recipe, but haven't quite mastered it yet. The corn tortillas get all cracked and crumbly. Also, be careful which enchilada sauces you are buying. Some are gluten free and some aren't.

Skyrockets in flight. Mexican Delight!

One of our family favorites AND makes quite a bit, so there is always leftovers. Thanks Sarah for sharing this recipe with me.


Mexican Delight

1 lb hamburger

Onion 

Salt & Pepper

1 ¼ tsp. oregano

1 ¼ tsp. sugar

1 ¼ tsp. cumin

1 small can tomato paste

1 - 15 oz can tomato sauce

¾ cup uncooked rice (makes about 1 ½ cup cooked)

Brown hamburger with onion, salt and pepper (to taste)

I don’t really measure out the onion I just put in as much as I think is a good amount, My guess is about ½ medium onion or 1 small onion

Drain grease. Add tomato paste, tomato sauce, oregano, sugar, and cumin. 

Cook rice and add to tomato/meat mixture.

I put this on top of Fritos but I have used taco chips too. 

Top with regular taco toppings: sour cream, cheese, salsa, lettuce and avocado.

Baby #2 turns 4!

Here you are my love on your 3rd birthday. Wow, you look little. Still, those big, beautiful, bluish green eyes are melting my heart. 

Half way through your 3rd year and I can already see a difference. You are growing up. I'm not sure if it is because by the time this picture was taken you had become a big sister, or just that each day you seem to grow an inch. 

Here you are. 4 years old.

This is what I have noticed about you so far...

• You don't give your smiles to just anyone. If someone wants to get to know you, they have to work for it
• You are a string bean! I have finally told Grandma to only buy leggings or sweat pants for you. No other pants will stay up on that skinny butt of yours. Even the leggings have difficulty saying up on your hips.
• You are very strong willed and stubborn. It is a blessing and a curse my love. I am still struggling to get a handle on it -  you are, in many ways, me when it comes to your personality
• You love being a sister. When Evie came along, we got to see how truly big your heart is. You are the first one to run to her when she is crying or to come and tell me that she needs something. I know you will always be there to watch out for your little sister
• Your speech has come a long way. There are still a few times where I'm not quite sure what you are saying to me, but once you slow down you are able to get your point across
• You can't wait to go to school. You see Natalie come home from school and hear her talk about her friends and her teachers. You think it is so unfair that you can't go too. Soon my dear
• There is something about your personality that I can't really explain. There have been many times in your four years where my heart is overflowing with love for you. Then, within 2 minutes you have found a way to make me angry! It's true talent
• I love that when you wake up, you want to cuddle. Its one of my favorite things ever

You are an amazing little girl Macie and I love you. Happy Birthday.

In Their Words Wednesday

I am so behind on my posts! I fount this one and forgot to post it quite a while ago. Not very long, but still...enjoy!

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Macie: My baby is sleeping
Molly: Oh. What's your baby's name?
Macie: No, not a baby. A tuppy. (puppy)
Molly: Well, what's your puppy's name?
Macie: Tulta
Molly: Tulta?
Me: Sulsa?
Macie: Yea, Tulta!

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Every once in a while Natalie will be talking to Evie and soon we will hear...

Look Mommy! She's givin me the BIG EYES!

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Happy Birthday Rory

34.
Miss you.

COOKIES!

'Tis the season for cookies. For the second year in a row now, Amy and Joe have borrowed our kitchen to make Christmas cookies. Last year they each took a day off of work and had the house to themselves. This year, they decided to come over on Black Friday and spend the day with us. Well, they did an amazing job. Buck-eyes, melt-a-way mints, fudge, chocolate covered cherries, candied orange peel dipped in chocolate, peanut-butter kiss cookies, macaroons, Andies mint chocolate cookies, and crispy marshmallow peanut cluster cookies (which are actually called Almond bark cookies, but I like my name better.) They made a few more than that, but I either don't know the names of the cookies or forgot what else they made. Now, when I hear cookies, first I think, YUM, then I think, GLUTEN. Well, Amy and Joe made all of these cookies and of all of them, only three of them contained gluten. I just think that is awesome and this is my public way of saying "THANK YOU JOE AND AMY" for keeping Natalie in mind while cooking in our house. You are awesome. Thank you for finding gluten free flour and switching a couple of the recipes so Natalie could be included in your baking. You rock!

So Brian and I can each devour a whole plate of Buck-eyes. These are peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate. Need I say more? But the crispy marshmallow peanut clusters have become my second favorite and they are so easy. These were one of the cookies that were not gluten free because of the rice crispies, but that was easily remedied when I went to the store. Here it is! Enjoy!

Crispy Marshmallow Peanut Clusters
10.5 oz bag of Mini Marshmallows
2 lbs. Almond Bark
3 c. peanuts
6 c. rice crispies
1 c. peanut butter

Natalie helping with the mixing!

In a large bowl combine marshmallows, peanuts and rice crispies in a large bowl. Cut almond bark into chunks and melt in a double boiler. Once melted and smooth, remove from heat and add peanut butter. Once peanut butter is melted into the almond bark pour over dry ingredients. Mix well and spoon onto wax paper. Allow to cool down before you try and take them off the wax paper. I put them out in the garage so they would cool down faster. Enjoy!

Elena, please note the Diet Coke. I kept it in the picture just for you!

Popcorn Cake

We made this last night and it is so easy and very delicious!

Ingredients:
1/4 cup vegetable oil
16 cups unbuttered popped popcorn
2 cups M&M's
1 cup lightly salted peanuts
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
2 10 oz. bags of marshmallows (mini or regular)

Grease an angel food cake pan or Bundt cake pan with oil or nonstick spray. Set aside.
In a large bowl, mix the popped corn, M&M's and peanuts.
In a saucepan, melt butter and vegetable oil over medium low heat. Add marshmallows and stir continually until marshmallows are melted. Pour over popcorn mixture.
Stir to combine.
Spoon mixture into the prepared cake pan. Using your hands or the back of a spoon, press firmly so that the mixture is compacted.
Cover with foil to keep moist. Let it sit for 3-4 hours or until firm.
To serve, invert cake pan onto a large plate or platter. You may need to go around the outside of the cake with a butter knife to help it release from the pan. Serve at room temperature.

No, this is not the cake I made. I forgot to take a picture before we devoured it.

I made this recipe in an angel food cake pan but next time I might try spooning the mixture into muffin tins for individual servings. This recipe also makes quite a bit. I would also consider cutting the recipe in half depending on what it is for. Enjoy!

My Tough Girl

So when Evie arrived, Natalie and Macie immediately fell in love with her. Of course they did. She is not only gorgeous, but an amazing baby. Both girls OBVIOUSLY knew from the start that their baby sister was/is perfect.

But, like all children, they both went through transition. Natalie got a little bossier and Macie, well, she did the only thing she knew how to do well...take everything out on me.

Macie would love Evie up everyday. Tell me everything she was doing at every moment. Talk to her in a voice three octaves higher than her normal voice. Then...she would throw fits over nothing, do things she knew she shouldn't do and climb into bed EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! Brian and I had to do something.

I got my ears pierced when I was 5. So did my sisters. It was the age when my mom decided that we were old enough to have our ears pierced. So, I decided that when Natalie turned 5 in May, she could get hers pierced too. Needless to say, she wanted nothing to do with it. She knew that it would hurt and she said "NO." on her 5th birthday. So, I was a little upset, and my retort was "Well then, I'll bring Macie to get her ears pierced on your birthday!" I know, its not that mature. I didn't bring her. I'm not that mean.

But this sparked Macie's interest. She was all for getting her ears pierced. So, when Evie was born in June and Macie started acting up in July, we started a sticker chart that she could earn stickers to get her ears pierced. She could earn up to 4 stickers a day for listening to me and her dad. If she got 4 stickers a day, she would have earned all her stickers in three weeks. Of course there were little prizes here and there to keep her interested and, after about 4 weeks, Macie earned her big prize: we went and got her ears pierced.

September 3rd, 2010: This girl was amazing. She sat down. She picked out the purple earrings, of course, we got the little purple marks on her ears. I checked them to make sure they were even, which I don't think they are, and there she sat. One, two, three. Done. Not even one tear. She looked at me like it hurt, but when I told her it was over she just smiled and laughed a little. The kind of laugh where she didn't know whether to keep laughing or cry. What a tough girl.

Purple Ears Pierced!

So Proud

Me and My Little Girls

What was Natalie doing during all this? She was hiding behind Evie's stroller. Oy.

In Their Words Wednesday

Goodness. I do love my kids.

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While eating dinner, Macie went to touch something close to or on Natalie's plate.
Natalie: MACIE! Don't touch my food with your gluten fingers!

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Natalie: Mom, this is how I talk to Evie in my polite voice...
(her voice gets 2 octaves higher) Hi! Hi Evie! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!


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Me: What did you do at free-choice today?
Natalie: Played Leap Frog. But Mom, they weren't real frogs cause if they were, they would be peein' and jumpin' all OVER the place!


Thanks for the visual.

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While we were laying in bed one morning, Macie bonked her head on the wall.
Macie: Ow. That tickled Mamma!
Me: It did?
Macie: Yea. But Mamma, when I say it tickled, it actually hurt. I just joking when I say that.
Me: Oh. Ok. I'm glad you understand the difference. :)

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A few times this week I have gotten to observe Brian and Evie adore each other. Brian lays on the ground  puts her next to him. She lays there and simply stares at him. Most of the time she smiles then every once in a while you will hear a soft coo and she starts to pant, kick and flail her arms wildly. They are so deeply in love with each other. I'm sure I will never see a more beautiful sight than this.

Insert tears. ;)
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In Their Words Wednesday - a day early

So this is coming on Tuesday because I keep forgetting to post it.

Recently our niece spent the night at our house. Man is she funny!

In the car on the way back from Beth's house:
Hailey: Gina, you drive fast. My mom drives slow.

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While looking at our book shelf in the living room:
Hailey: Wow! You guys have a lot of Jesus books!

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Natalie: Macie, did it hurt when you got your ears pierced?
Macie: No.
Natalie: Did it tickle?
Macie: Yup!

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Me: Natalie, guess who called me on the phone the other day?
Natalie: Who?
Me: Nick Jonas!
Natalie: Fo' Real!?!?

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Peter Piper

So every once in a while I come across a recipe that goes over well with my family. Here is one of them.


I started searching for a recipe when we got a bunch of peppers from some friends. These friends of ours have a garden and have been so kind to share what their garden has produced this season. Tomatoes, jalapeños, banana peppers, green beans, zucchini, squash...seriously, its been awesome. The last time we saw them they gave us a bunch of peppers, so I got inspired. I am not a huge pepper fan but my family is, so I went searching for a stuffed pepper recipe that looked tasty and that was gluten free. After looking at many, I combined a bunch of them and this is what I came up with. Give it a try and see what you think!


Sausage Stuffed Peppers
6 medium red or green bell peppers, cleaned and cored
1/2 lb sausage
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1/2 medium onion
2-3 cloves of garlic, minced
1 can diced tomatos (I used a roasted garlic and onion)
1 cup uncooked rice
1/4 cup freshly grated parmigiano reggiano
1 tablespoon freshly chopped basil
1 teaspoon freshly chopped oregano
Salt and pepper to taste
4 slices mozzarella cheese (or 2 cups shredded)


Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cut the tops off the peppers, and remove the seeds. Cook peppers in boiling water for 4-5 minutes; drain. Sprinkle salt inside each pepper, and set aside.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Grease a baking dish and set your cleaned and cored peppers inside of it. Use balls of tinfoil to prop them up if you have trouble making them sit correctly.
Cook rice as directed and put into a large mixing bowl.
In a large pan over medium-high heat, brown the sausage. Drain grease and put browned sausage in the mixing bowl with the rice.
Add the olive oil to the pan, and add the onions, and garlic. Cook over medium-high heat for about 4-5 minutes, until the onions are tender. Add the can of tomatoes and heat through. Pour into bowl with rice and sausage. Add parmigaiano reggiano and herbs and stir to combine. Adjust seasonings to taste with salt and pepper.
Fill the peppers with the sausage-and-rice mixture. Bake in your preheated 350 degree oven for 15-20 minutes, until stuffing is bubbly. Top with mozzarella and return to oven until cheese is melted (you may want to turn on the broiler for this.)  Enjoy!

All the Live Long Day

Dear Rory,

I feel the need to write to you when big events happen in my life. Brian and I welcomed our third daughter, Evie, into our lives on June 24th. As much as I want to believe that you already know this and were there in many ways; it is because you were not there to see her, hold her and hug Brian and I, I experience loss all over again. I will tell you that for a long time Brian and I talked about naming this child Rory. If the baby was a boy we wanted to incorporate your name in his middle name. If the baby was a girl, we thought a lot about calling her Rory. Ultimately I couldn't do it. Even though it has been almost three years since your death, it still feels too new and continues to be painful for me to think about.

Brian was back at Como recently and went down to go to the tracks. He wanted to see where you ended your life and have an image of what it looked like there. He made the decision not to tell me he was going. After your death, when he first mentioned that he wanted to go there, I was insistent on wanting someone to be there with him. But, I see now that it was something he needed to do alone. The weekend after he visited the tracks, the guys got together for a game at Target Field and came to our house for Strato on Sunday; Shane was even in town so it was just like how it used to be. It was so fun to have all the guys at the house again. But, all the while, there was an underlying sadness that kept tugging at me...Rory should be here.

My sadness was different this time. I didn't cry. Even though this sadness has continued, the tears haven't come. Grief continues to surprise me. I'm not so naive to think that they won't return, but I haven't missed them, and for now, I won't think about it.

Another thought I had this past week was I don't think that I ever told you that I loved you. You wouldn't have believed me, and my guess is that you would have made some joke or diversion to get around the sincerity of it, but it crossed my mind. So, I will tell you now for my own peace of mind and heart.

I will miss you forever.
I will love you always.
Gina

June 24th, 2010

Evie Marie Stangl

Born: June 24th, 2010 at 4:15 p.m.

6 lbs. 7 oz.

19 1/4 in.

Dear Evie,

You are finally here and all of us are so glad! However getting you into this world was quite a process, but what labor isn't? I want to write this down so that you know and so that I don't forget, so here goes...

Saturday, June 19th, 2010

Natalie and Macie were spending the weekend with Grandma and Papa so Mommy and Daddy could get some much needed rest. Every day towards the end of your pregnancy was tiring and by 6pm every night I was in the tub to relax then to the couch to rest. We spent Saturday outside with friends at a crayfish boil. The weather was beautiful and I even managed to get a little sun. Daddy and I got home and as we started to get ready for bed, I noticed that I started to have some contractions. They weren't very painful but I could definitely tell something was going on. So, off we headed to the hospital.

I was having contractions, but they weren't very strong, so the Dr. on call decided to give me something to stop the contractions and by 10:00 am we were headed home.

Sunday, June 20th, 2010
Sunday was very uneventful. We spent the day resting and your sisters came home from Grandma and Papa's house. All of us were getting very impatient to meet you!

Monday, June 21st, 2010
Natalie and Macie headed to daycare and I spent the day resting. Around dinner time, I started to not feel very good...again. This time, my contractions were much more painful than two nights ago, but they were only coming every 20 minutes or so. As the hours passed, I continued to contract but nothing was very consistent. By 1:00 am, we decided to call the Dr. and he recommended that once my contractions reached 5 minutes apart, to head to the hospital. Of course, once I got off the phone, they stopped. Arg.

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
Daddy took the day off of work to go to the Dr. with me. We had been up most of the night wondering if tonight was the night you were going to make your grand entrance, so needless to say, we were both pretty tired. We saw the Dr. and she told me that I was 4-5 cm dilated and to continue to wait it out. This, of course, put me into tears because I so badly wanted to be done being pregnant and anxious to meet you. They sent me home to rest and relax. She also reminded me that the longer you stayed in my tummy, the better it was for health reasons. So, the waiting continued.

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

The day was pretty uneventful but once dinner time rolled around, the contractions started again. This time, they were close together and painful. I didn't want to go to the hospital, but Daddy insisted. We called Grandma to come and watch your sisters and off we went. The nurses put me in a room and monitored me for a while and yes, I was definitely in labor, however I was still not 37 weeks; I was 36 weeks 5 days. We walked the halls trying to progress labor but by 11:00 pm, everything had stopped...again. We didn't know what was going to happen. At that point, I just wanted to go home. However, that was not suggested and we decided to stay. I was still at 5 cm and the Dr. on call to give me an oral medication and a shot of morphine to help me sleep through the night. I was nervous about the morphine since I had never taken it, but finally made the decision to put my trust in the Drs. and nurses taking care of me and do what they thought was best. I have to say, that was the best decision we made. I got a wonderful night of sleep.

Thursday, June 24th, 2010
I woke up at 5:15 am and had the nurse check on me and when asked if I could sleep more, I said "Yes!" so, that's what I did. I woke up at 7:30 am ready for whatever they were going to tell me. My new nurse was Jan, a nurse that I had had for both of your sisters and is one of the most amazing people I have come into contact with in my life so far. She is amazing and loves her job. After checking my cervix she reassured me that, no, I wasn't going home. After she told me that, I was ready to name you Jan.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I wasn't in as much pain and did some more walking to see if I could move things along. I went from a 5 to a 5 1/2 but it was enough for my Dr. to give permission for an epidural and pitocin. Jan had to help with another labor so she introduced us to Jessica. Again, another amazing woman. We waited for the pitocin to start to work and after an hour or so, a resident came in to break my water.

~Sidenote~ I love watching nurses teach residents what to do!

I still was not making a lot of progress and Jessica noticed that the resident may not have broken my water like she thought she did, so Jessica gave it a shot. She definitely accomplished the task. Not long after that I was fully dilated and my Dr. was called. Jessica suggested that I start to push you out so that when the Dr. arrived she would just have to catch. We went through a couple of rounds of pushing and after 3 or 4 rounds Jessica says "Ok, I want you to push one more time, but I may you stop depending on how close the baby is to crowning...OK STOP! We are going to wait now." It's a good thing I had an epidural, otherwise there would have been no stopping!

My Dr. came through the door minutes later panting! She was stuck in detours and construction and I am pretty sure she ran as soon as she parked her car. Once she was ready, I pushed and not long after, out you came. It was such an amazing moment for all of us in the room. Our Dr. who had been with us through all the scary parts of the pregnancy, Jessica who had helped us through out most of my labor during the day and Daddy and I.

The Dr. held you up and immediately I started to laugh and cry all at the same time. I was so excited that you were a girl. You completed our family and had fought your way to be with us. You were placed on my chest and Daddy and I couldn't stop giggling and crying. As I looked at my Dr., she was smiling and crying with us. What an amazing person. There was no hurry to take you away from me. I cleaned you off and kissed you, and Daddy named you Evie. What a perfect little girl you were the moment you breathed your first breath.

As soon as I could I called Grandma and she put Natalie on the phone...
Natalie: Hi Momma! Are you coming home?
Me: Soon honey...Mommy had the baby.
Natalie: You had the baby!?!?
Me: Yea! You have another baby sister.
Natalie: (big inhaled breath) MACIE WE HAVE A BABY SISTER!
The sound of her excitement still replays in my head when I watch her with you.

Evie, we didn't know if you would make it to us safe. On the day you arrived it was one of the happiest days of our lives. We love you so much and can't wait to watch you grow and see what kind of person you are going to become.

I love you always.
Mommy

In Their Words Wednesday

Some funny things the girls have been saying!
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Macie: You ok Mamma?
Me: Yup. My tummy just hurts a little.
Macie: The baby hurting you?
Me: Yea, a little.
Macie: Oh nuts!

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We were in the van driving somewhere and Jason Derulo's "In My Head" song came on the radio. A few minutes after it was over...

Natalie: Mom, I was jammin to that last song. You know, the "goin down in my head" song. I really like it.

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Al had taken the girls on a walk and they came across a retaining wall. Both girls climbed up and proceeded to jump off of different levels of the wall. Natalie continued to get higher and higher and after each time she jumped off made the statement: "That's what I'm talkin' about!"

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Me: You are my baby.
Macie: No I'm not!
Me: Yes you are. You will always be my baby!
Macie: No! I'm Daddy's baby!"

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Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. ~Carl Sagan

Dear Baby,

I sit here and continue to wait for your arrival. Will it really take 32 more days until I get to meet you? Will it take less? more? You are still very active in my belly; continuing to toss and turn whenever I am still. My body tries to make room for you and you have no problems pushing whatever you want out of the way.

I am so curious to meet you. First of all, are you a boy or a girl? Through the beginning part of this pregnancy, there was no question in my mind that you are our third and final girl. But the more active you became, both Daddy and I agreed you must be a boy! Now, I'm just not sure. I don't have a feeling either way about your gender but I do know that you are a fighter. From the beginning you have been a fighter and it is something I already love about you.

Second, your name. This has been very hard for Daddy and I. I have given up and left it up to your Dad. I think he has it down to two girl names and two boy names but I think we will still have to spend some time with you before we pick one out. As we searched for names that we liked, we found many, but none that we were absolutely in love with. We didn't even disagree about names. Everything was just Ok. We don't want something too popular or anything that can be spelled 12 different ways. Papa Snyder insists on calling you Vince whether you are a boy OR a girl and Grandma Snyder likes Ronnie (Veronica) or Hannah if you are a girl. Natalie decided a while ago that if you are a boy you should be named Hent, Tent or Trent, and if you are a girl, Sparkle. We will just have to see I guess.

Third, I can't wait for you to meet your sisters. Natalie loves to feel you move around in my belly. She thinks that you are going to be a boy even though she would be ok if she got another sister. She is always coming up to me and asking "Is the baby moving Mamma?" or "I feel something hard right there! What is that?" She can't wait to hold you, take care of you and make you laugh. She is already such a good big sister to Macie. Even though I know she wasn't too  thrilled on having another sibling in the first place, I think she is pretty excited now.

Macie has not been very interested in you until about two weeks ago. She thinks you are going to be a girl. She also has started to touch my belly a lot and insists on kissing and hugging my belly, saying goodbye when I drop her off at daycare and goodnight to you when I tuck her into bed. She asks "Is the baby coming out now?", "Does the baby hurt you Mamma?" and "I want to hold her!" It is so hard for her to wait. I think Macie is going to be my biggest helper once you come. She is not as interactive with other babies we are around, but has to make sure that they have toys, snacks, their cup, whatever is needed to keep them happy. She can't wait to be a big sister.

Fourth, I can't wait for you to meet your Daddy. He is amazing. It took him a little longer to know if he wanted you or not, but I think in his heart he knew you would always be a part of our lives. Many people seem to think that just because we have had two girls already, that we wanted to have a third to try for a boy. But to tell you the truth, we wanted a third CHILD. Boy or girl makes no difference to us. We didn't decide to have children to have a specific gender. We just wanted kids. Daddy loves babies and I can't wait for him to hold you, swaddle you (he is a master at this) and brag about you just like he does about the girls. Even though you are our third, I feel as if he may be more of a baby hog with you. I don't really know why, it is just a feeling I have.

So, I will continue to wait little one. I will tell you to take your time, but as each day passes it is getting harder and harder to be patient. I will continue to count the days.

I love you.
Mamma

In Their Words Wednesday

This is from the last two weeks. It isn't a lot, but I have been wanting to get it out there. Hopefully I can keep it up Elena. Enjoy!

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Brian:What do you think about that Nattie?
Natalie: Daddy, I like Natalie better. Some people call me Nattie, but I like Natalie the best.
Brian: But I can still call you Nattie, right?
Natalie: Yea, but I still like Natalie the best.

Ok, I guess she has an opinion about her name.

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Brian: Where did this rain come from?!?!
Macie: I don't know.
Natalie: Rainclouds.
Brian: Thank you Captain Obvious.

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Natalie: Dad, I took the binder out of Ariel Princess's hair (her Barbie doll) and it was OUT OF CONTROL!

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In Their Words Wednesday

Ok Elena. I'm gonna give this a try and hopefully I will be able to keep it up! There is only a few, but I think I have to just tune in a little more to what the girls are saying. Most of the time they are pretty funny, but I am so used to the quirky things they say, that I don't realize they are funny until someone comes over, hears their conversations or has a conversation with them, and starts to laugh.

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Natalie: Mom! Look at my toe!
Me: What? What happened...
Natalie: It's bleeding.
Me: Oh. Why?
Natalie: I don't know. I stubbed it on something sharp. (with a "duh" look on her face)

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While eating grapes at the table, Macie takes a bunch that are still on the vine. As she is picking them off of the vine, one of the stems comes off with the grape.
She looks at the grape and says: "What the..."

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Brian picked up the girls from daycare and on their way to a park the Ke$ha song "Your Love is My Drug" song came on. I hate Ke$ha, but this song so catchy to me, so when it comes on, me and the girls rock out. Brian hates the song but decided to leave it on.
When it was done Natalie said: Daddy, my favorite part of the song is when she says "crack head." It's funny!
My influence is not so good on the girls apparently.

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What can Gluten do for you?

On Friday, a second grade teacher came to me with an interesting question. So interesting, I had to write about it. She came to me because she has a boy in her class that was diagnosed with Celiac Disease this year. Her question: Do you know if going on a gluten free diet can affect behavior in a negative way?

Huh. Let me think about that.

This boy, before he was diagnosed, was a pretty average second grade boy with really no behavior problems in the classroom. He is a bright student and able finish whatever work he was handed. Now, it seems, he has a hard time focusing and can't get work done in the classroom. It's like he has TOO much energy.

This is my understanding of a gluten free (GF) diet:

• If you are diagnosed with Celiac Disease treatment is a gluten free diet - nothing made from wheat, barley or rye. Period. It is not something you can grow out of.
• It is not an allergy. It is an intolerance.
• A gluten free diet is a very healthy way of living. You want to loose weight - go GF. I swear you will see the pounds melt off. You want to lose more? Cut out lactose too.
• Many parents of children with autism or ADD/ADHD may try a GF diet instead of medication. The thought here is (I think, please don't quote me) that our bodies use energy to digest food. Gluten is a difficult protein for our intestinal systems to process and uses a lot of energy. Some of us have no issues, while others may. Take gluten out of a child's diet and their bodies are able to use that energy, that used to be used on digestion, on other things such as focusing and brain function

So, back to my teacher friend. I got to thinking about her question and her second grader. This child had been ill for a while. His body "bogged" down with gluten and unable to process it. Since going GF, he feels great and almost has extra energy. His body almost feels too good; if that is even possible. His system worked so hard for so long that he may have just been too tired to focus on anything else, therefore portraying him as a mild mannered kid. Now, its like he is looking at the world through new eyes. As his teacher says it is almost as if he is over stimulated.

This whole situation was SO interesting to me. Everything I have written above is completely my opinion. The bulleted points are things that I have learned over the years and what I understand about the disease.

On that note, Twin Cities R.O.C.K. had their 9th annual Celiac Walk in Victoria, MN. It was the biggest turnout yet with 1,300 people participating and over $46,000 raised. Natalie loves to go and we get loads of free information and samples. It was great.

So Human

Love...

• Diet Coke - warm or cold, I can't get enough
• Spearmint Life Savers - I could eat an entire bag and not care if I get gut rot
• Double Stuf Oreos - 'nuf said
• All American Rejects - I can listen to their albums from start to finish
• Bull Durham - Best. Baseball. Movie. Ever.
• Sarcasm - I don't care if people think I use sarcasm because I am unhappy. It is a part of me and even though I need to keep it in check sometimes, it makes me smile
• Baths - Summer or winter, I love a hot bath - the kind that makes your skin turn red
• My Grandma's potato salad - she can't write down the recipe but knows its right because of how it looks. I've decided she has to live forever or at least as long as I do so I can always eat her potato salad in the summer
• Brian and my girls - that's a given
• Flannel sheets
• Peas - I always have and always will
• Raspberries - pick and eat until you are full
• A good sneeze
• The sun - I'm like a cat. If the sun is shining in the house somewhere, I will find it and curl up
• Our church - we have found a community that we love and want to contribute to. I can't wait for Sunday's to come around
• Rain - I always sleep better and I love the smell (not the worm smell, the other smell)
• Sleeping
• When I'm teaching and I can physically SEE when a child learns something
• Reading - I have only recently become a lover of reading but I can't get enough
• Playing cards - Gin, Rummy, Euchre, 99, Cribbage, I love a good card game - however if you play me, I want to win
• When I can talk baseball and sound somewhat intelligent
• A good piece of steak - cooked rare perfectly on the grill. My dad has ruined me in this category and I thank him for it
• Shoes - tennis, crocs, wedges, flats, boots, I want them all
• Marshmallows - the best fat free snack and potty training tool in the world
• Big Bang Theory, The Mentalist and Deadliest Catch
• Ice - I am an ice chewer. I will thank Mom for that one. And on top of that, I am an ice snob! Do you know there are places that have better ice than others? True story

Dislike

• Heartburn
• Olives
• Mushrooms
• Pants that look good but are uncomfortable to wear
• When your nose is stuffed on only one side
• That I am TOO opinionated at times. Some things just need to be kept to myself and that's ok!
• Cleaning the bathroom
• The two weeks during strato season where all the boys are calling Brian working out trades and asking opinions
• That Justin Morneau has to have a full count more often than not when batting. It stresses me out - don't judge
• That Natalie is growing up
• Exercising - Ew
• Rage Against the Machine - again, Ew
• Money - It's no good
• Rory's gone
• Restless Leg Syndrome
• Waking up and having some part of my body that has "fallen asleep" - especially my hands/arms

These are just some things on my mind tonight.

Happy Mother's Day

On Tuesday, May 4th, Natalie came home from school with a present for me for Mother's Day. It was quite heavy and no matter what I bribed her with, she would not tell me or anyone else what was in the bag. There was also a very nice card attached to the gift. Inside were six questions that her teacher asked her and she answered. I got to open the gift today and although I like the present, I have to say that the card is my favorite.

Here is what the card said:

My mom likes to eat: PEAS

My mom is 90 years old.

My mom's favorite TV show is: THE JONAS BROTHERS

My mom weighs 8 pounds.

My mom is good at: MAKING FOOD AND TEACHING

If I could give my mom anything in the world I would give her: A RING

Being a single parent is not for me

Brian left for Richmond to go watch NASCAR on Wednesday which means I have been a single parent for 4 whole days. My first concern was "Who will bring me my juice in the morning?" which, of course is a major deal! We have a very nice routine every morning and that was going to be interrupted because of Brian's vacation with my Dad and brother in-laws. But if you know anything about the type of husband and father Brian is, you know that he so deserves this vacation.

The girls and I have been managing just fine. We even planned a night at a hotel/water park with my mom and sisters and their kids. 4 adults and 6 kids under the age of 5 was quite the experience. The girls had a blast with their cousins and loved staying at the hotel. However, having an adventure like this while being 29 weeks pregnant is not something that I would want to do again. Everything just hurts more this time around and my Dr. simply says "It gets worse with every pregnancy." Oh. Ok.

Brian's cousin was nice enough to come over on Friday to hang out with the pooch so I didn't have to kennel him. Then she stayed until late on Saturday which was awesome. The girls LOVE hanging out with her and I was able to stay somewhat emotionally and mentally stable through Saturday. Molly came over too, but due to a puppy who is just excited about everything, she had to get that doggie back home.

I would have to say the highlight of the weekend was eating dinner Saturday night. I made pasta with chicken and veggies and Macie just wasn't interested in her food. She would pick at it but that was about it. Finally, I was done trying to convince her to eat, and told her that she could be done and to get down from the table. She looked at me, tears filling her eyes, lip in full pout mode and said "I miss my Daddy!" and proceeded to cry. It was really quite sweet. We cuddled and a few minutes later she was ok.

Brian comes back today, but instead of coming home, he is heading right to the softball fields for a double header. We will meet him up there for his first game so we can say hi, then home and off to bed. I have to say, 8:00pm can't come fast enough.

Who is tapping me on the shoulder?

A couple of weeks ago I posted about life and life changes. Well, I'm going to come clean and say that there were some things in the works when I posted that blog entry. Here we go...

About a month or so ago a friend of mine from another school in the district asked me to job share with her. At the time, it just didn't seem doable. I didn't want to leave my current school and I didn't think we could cut my paycheck in half and make life work. Two weeks ago someone from the school that I am currently working in asked me to job share out of the blue. She teaches kindergarten and was looking to go to part time. She had other options, but knowing I was pregnant with Baby #3 and job sharing herself with three kids a little while ago, she just thought she would ask. Well, she got me thinking. SERIOUSLY thinking. CRYING I was thinking so hard.

Was God tapping me on the shoulder? Slow down Gina. Think about this. I'm not going to tap again.

Brian and I made lists, budgets, talked with friends, family and daycare. We talked about what life would look like with that kind of pay cut and what would come out of me working part time. Some of it added up just fine and some of it didn't. It came down to time with the kids. Do you get that time back? No. Do I want to be a stay at home mom full time? No. Do I want to leave teaching? No.

Job sharing seems to be the best of both worlds and I am very excited to give it a try. Well, today I got word that the district approved the job share so that is the plan next year. My friend will be coming to first grade and we will be splitting weeks instead of splitting days. I will work Monday's and Tuesday's and she will work Thursday's and Friday's and we will work every other Wednesday. Overall we will each work 87 of the 174 student contact days out of the year. So I will get a four or five day weekend every week. Sweet! I will get to be home with the new baby and the girls two or three days out of the work week. Awesome! I will get to continue to teach. Great!

So, thank you for tapping.

More Bacon Than the Pan Can Handle

It's late and restless leg is getting the best of me. I first experienced restless leg when I was pregnant with Natalie and I have to say, I think it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have ever experienced. I had it with Macie as well, but it came a little earlier in the pregnancy. With this baby, it came on much earlier. Since I was on bed rest from week 11, the uncomfortable feeling in my legs came at 12 weeks. I had been hoping that the feeling would subside a little when I went back to work full time and was on my feet more, but, no such luck. Now, here I sit at 12:09 at night with my mind racing and my legs wanting to run along with it.

I am a full time working mom. It is not something I am ashamed of. I love what I do and feel that I would not be a good stay at home mom. Some women are meant to be at home with their kids. They come up with activities, sign up for classes and can keep up a routine. I have the opportunity to do this every summer and can manage a routine for a good two weeks before it all falls apart. My job is where I have structure, routine and sanity; even if it does involve twenty-one 6 year olds.

Baby #3 is what has my mind going tonight. July is the scheduled time for this child to come into our lives and I don't feel as if I will have enough time with him/her. Natalie was born in May, so I got to have the full summer to get to know her and being that I was just starting my job, I was excited to get to start work. Macie was a February baby and even though it was difficult to drop her off at daycare at 6 weeks old, I knew that summer wasn't far away and we would have time together. Baby #3's time seems to be cut short. Depending on when baby makes his/her grand entrance, week six comes right around workshop week and I am in it for the year. When do I get to know this child? Unless God has a different plan for us, Brian and I are planning on this being our last child. I don't want to miss out on anything because of work, but I don't think I can handle being a full time stay at home mom either.

It's not like there isn't options; there are. Having options means that decisions need to be made. Making decisions is going to turn our family down one path or another. There is not a "right" path. The choice is the difficult part - left or right. I continue to pray for guidance and peace of mind and know that with time, things will work themselves out.

What a Day

Today has been interesting. First of all, I want to say that I am now addicted to finding blog backgrounds. I have started this new blog and all I want to do is search for cute and fun backgrounds to apply to my blog. Please do not be surprised to see my page change weekly. I definitely have a problem. It is very similar to my addiction to scrapbooking paper. In the words of Depeche Mode, "I just can't get enough." (Yes, I had to look that up.)

At school, the highlight of my morning was when one of my first graders wrote a story about a hoop named Basket and a basketball named Ball. The problem in this story is that the net breaks. When I asked my student if the problem was going to be fixed by Basket going to see a net doctor, he looked at me like "Are you nuts?" and said "No. They are just going to glue it." Ok then.

Next, we headed up to school with Natalie for kindergarten round up. I have to say this was very weird for me. It is hard for me to be a parent in these situations. I walk in a school and my brain switches into teacher mode and I see a bunch of parents with their kids and forget that I am part of that group too. Its weird. I sat there listening to the principal talk about lots of stuff, all good information for parents to know, and didn't feel like she was talking to me. Natalie was super excited and kept asking which teacher she was going to have and which classroom was hers. We walked in all the rooms, met a couple of the teachers and where ever she ends up, she is going to love it.

Finally, more reality set in. We walked into the gym to sit down for the presentation and there are two lunch tables set up with activities for the kids. One table had crayons and color sheets, the other had a snack on it; graham crackers, pretzels, animal crackers and some frosting. Gluten, gluten and more gluten. Brian's response, "And it starts here for Natalie." Wow. My heart sank.

Most of the time I have accepted that Celiac Disease is a part of our lives. It is not as big of a deal as I once thought it would be. Natalie is an amazing kid and very responsible when it comes to what she can and cannot eat. I have thought many times about what school is going to be like for her when it comes to food. It is OUR responsibility as parents to provide for her. I do not expect the school or the teachers to work around her food needs or be responsible for providing for her. Parents who want the world changed because their child has food needs or otherwise, tend to urk me. That's right. I said URK. Is Natalie different? Yes. Am I sad that she cannot have the same foods other kids can have? Yes. Do I expect everyone to cater to her? Absolutely not. Yes, there are times when I will try my hardest to get her something that is the same as everyone else, but the reality is, she isn't like everyone else and the earlier she realizes that, the better off she will be, in my opinion. I have already witnessed her talking to some of her friends when they ask her why she has to have special foods and she is so matter of fact. She just looks at them and says, "Well, that has gluten and I can't have gluten. I have a special (donut, cookie, cracker, whatever it happens to be that day) and it won't hurt my tummy." What a kid.

The days pass and my belly gets bigger. Baby #3 is a mover and a shaker. I worry about what baby is going to do to my insides once he/she gets bigger and doesn't have as much room to do the somersaults he/she is so fond of. Time will tell.

Do I start to blog again? Or Not...

I have recently switched to this blog site because the one I was using previously was blocked at work. I also like that this blog is a google application and I use some of their apps already. The last post on the other blog was another letter to Rory. I am glad I still write them and think that it is very therapeutic for me when I am feeling very emotional about him. However, there has been a lot going on in the past six months that I would like to touch on as well. So, here goes...

September: The school year started off great and after going back and forth about having another child, Brian and I decided, why not. Unfortunately, the pregnancy didn't stick and we lost the baby at six weeks. Although this was hard, there was so much support and love surrounding me I got through that time okay. Natalie started her second year of preschool (two days a week) and, just like last year, loved school and her teacher. Macie continues to come into her own and started to talk a lot more. Molly who had been living with us for about 18 months bought her own town home and moved out. Brian and I are so proud of all of the steps she has made to move forward in her life.

October: We were told to wait, and didn't listen. October came around and I was pregnant...again. We are so blessed to not have fertility problems and everything felt different about this pregnancy. We made it to the apple orchard a couple of times and Halloween was a blast.

November: Nothing exciting. November was a boring month.

December: I started to show already and also found out that our neighbors were also going to be having a baby. We were all so excited. Got though Rory's birthday. Got through Rory's death day. The month seemed to fly by, but just in time for Christmas, Dec. 21, I started to bleed. I was 11 weeks and thought I was going to miscarry. I made it through the night without too much more bleeding and after another ultrasound it looked as if the baby was fine, but that I had a hemorrhage. We later found out that the placenta had tore away from the wall of my uterus and caused the bleed. I was put on bed rest and tried to learn what that meant. I still don't completely know.

January: I didn't return to work until I could see my Dr. and decide what was best for me and the baby. Our family, friends, neighbors and church surrounded us with support and prayers throughout the entire situation. It was amazing. I went back to work part time from the second week of January and was glad to be out of the house for part of the day. My father in law passed the winter time away by building the girls beautiful bunk beds which they absolutely love. I was also sent to a perinatologist to have a level 2 ultrasound done to check out how things were progressing with the baby. 20 weeks was the benchmark I had to make it to, so I had to continue to take it easy and just wait.

February: I had a birthday and Macie had a birthday. I can't believe she is 3. What an amazing little girl she has become. I also had my 20 week ultrasound with the perinatologist at which point he said "You healed yourself! I told you you would." And, life returned to normal...somewhat. The stress was gone and I went back to work full time. This was a very good thing. :)

March: March also came and went quickly. I was glad to be back at work full time and I think my students were glad too...I think. Now that the stress of a high risk pregnancy was gone my belly popped out more than ever and the baby was moving around like nothing was ever wrong. We continued to switch the playroom to a nursery and the name search had begun. Natalie wants a brother and Macie wants a sister, however when asked who gets to decide these things they both answer "God." Thats right little girls! Natalie has mentioned suggestions for names though: Boy: Trent, Girl: Sparkle. Thank you 4 year old.

April: April is well on its way and the baby is more active than ever. Both Brian and I thought that we would always have 3 girls, but we both get the feeling that this one is a boy. Heartrates continue to be between 150-155 bpm, but the movement just doesn't stop. Especially from 6-11pm.

All in all, we are loving life and can't wait for what the rest of the year has to bring us. I hope I can continue to find time to post on this blog. It is a way for me to journal and remember. If people read it, that's great, but really I just need a place to share and vent...whether anyone is listening or not. :)

When will the tears stop?

Dear Rory,

I'm home alone tonight and decided that this is the right moment to write you a letter. This week has been tougher than I thought it would be. I made it through most of the 15th just fine, only to break down while talking to a friend at school after the kids were gone. While talking to her, I realized it had been two years since I last saw you. The ache in my heart immediately came back. I miss you.

The rest of the week has been kind of funny in a weird way. After pulling myself together, I left school on Tuesday only to meet up with a train in Rosemount and, as if it were mocking me, the engine car stayed at my pace for 2 - 3 blocks. I could only laugh and shake my head. Fuck you, you bastard, humf. Me, Brian and the girls headed to IGH for dinner with Mom and Dad that night and on the way home I was trying to find something on the radio to listen to. I stopped on The Current only to hear Brother Ali. Really?! Brian could only giggle. Finally, yesterday while driving home, I again was flipping channels in the car, landed on The Current and what were they playing? The Streets. That band. That band that you brought to the house to listen to because, heaven forbid, we eat without music on. I hated the CD and got scolded for it. Are you just on my mind? Are these things coincidence? Do you have anything to do with it?

I'm not angry. At least I don't think I am. I am sad. I want the hole in my heart to be filled. That will never happen. I want December to come and I don't want to cry. I've found out the only way to do that is to be medicated and that's not such a bad idea. 

I can say that I don't think about you every day. To some extent, I'm glad about that. You come into my thoughts at least once a week, if not more, but not every day. Most of the time the memories are good ones. I can hear your laugh, see your charming smile and feel your warmth when you would let me give you a hug. It is now, during this time of year that the tears come. I will be glad to see them go.

Brian and I are going to have a third child. One more beautiful baby to bring into our family. You will never know that child. Natalie remembers you. Macie doesn't, but it is my memory of you holding her and interacting with her that I love. I will not have that with this child. Again, the tears come. 

Two years. Sometimes that feels like such a long time and others, not at all. How will I be feeling next year or in 5 or 10 years? Only time will tell.

I love you.

I miss you. 

Gina

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Happy Birthday Rory.

33.

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GOULASH

I think my blog is turning into a recipe site. Oh well. I love goulash because I think there is a million different ways to make it. I feel that if it is to be a true goulash it must have noodles, hamburger and ketchup. Just my opinion.

Here is my version of Goulash Hotdish.

Goulash

1 lb. Hamburger

1/2 onion (diced)

2 cloves garlic (diced)

2 cups elbow macaroni (uncooked) (We like Tinkyada GF)

2 cups water

1 can diced tomatoes

1 can black beans (rinsed and drained)

1/4 cup barbecue sauce (Sweet Baby Ray's is GF)

3/4 cup ketchup (Heinz is GF)

Lawry's Seasoning Salt

Shredded Cheese

Brown hamburger, onion and garlic in large pot. Depending on how much grease produced by the meat, you may want to drain it. I used a leaner hamburger so I didn't have to drain any of the grease. Season to taste with Lawry's Seasoning Salt. Add macaroni, water, tomatoes, black beans, katchup and barbecue sauce. Stir well, cover and let simmer until macaroni is tender. Serve in bowls and top with shredded cheese. 

Easy and only takes about 20 minutes. Also Gluten Free if you use the right kind of macaroni, ketchup and barbecue sauce. Enjoy!

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Bread? We don't need no stinking bread!

My new favorite lunch:

Butter Leaf Lettuce

Butter Leaf Lettuce

Cream Cheese

Meat (sliced turkey or ham)

American Cheese

Sliced Pickles

Schmear the cream cheese on a piece of lettuce and top with your choice of meat and cheese. We added pickles too because we love pickles in our household. Roll up and enjoy. It is so yummy!! Instead of cream cheese, I put ranch dressing on Brian's because that's how he rolls. Mo and I, however, could swim in a vat of cream cheese. I believe you could slap some onion and a piece of tomato on there as well. 

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Who loves meatloaf?

When Natalie was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, I signed up to get daily recipes from Gluten Free Club. I didn't have to sign up for the club to get the recipes, so, game on. Every once in a while they will send a recipe that uses mostly "regular" food. Yesterday they sent a meatloaf recipe that is amazing! I changed it a little, but it was still very good!

Here it is.

Italian Meatloaf

1 1/2 lbs. ground pork
3 eggs
1 cup cooked rice
1 1/2 cups grated cheddar cheese
1/2 tablespoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons dried chopped chives

2 cloves chopped garlic (or you could add onion)
1 teaspoon dried basil + 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1/4 cup ketchup 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350°F degrees.
    
Mix all ingredients together well in a very large bowl.
    
Press mixture into a loaf pan (the temps and times are for glass loaf pans.) Bake  for 55 minutes.

**I put the mixture into jumbo muffin tins (greased) and filled them with the meat mixture 3/4 full. Individual serving sizes are fun! They may not need to be cooked 55 min. I think I cooked mine for 45-50 min.
    
Remove from oven and pour off some fat.
    
Cover tops of meatloaves with a generous layer of ketchup.
    
Bake 15 minutes longer.
    
Cool 10 to 15 minutes before cutting loaf. 

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