Just Breathe

Dear Rory,

Life goes on without you. This time of year always sneaks up on me. I don't know why. It's not like I don't know it's coming. I guess I just think that your birthday and your death day will pass without me having to go though all the emotion. Right now, I really don't want to go through all the emotion. I want to think "Happy Birthday Rory" and "I wish you were here" without everything that goes along with that for me. It is very frustrating.

Your birthday is difficult for me. I still feel like you should be here. Today I'm angry. I have been tempted lately to read your letter again. I have only read it once, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know there are pieces of you in that letter, but I feel like it is all the bad pieces. It's not all of you. I recognize that the bad was still a part of you but the good was so much more. Why didn't you know that.

I'm at the point now where I want to know about your whole life. When you were here, I couldn't bear hearing about a child being treated as if they didn't matter. Now, I want to know everything. I want to know about what happened to you. You were physically changed because of what you went through and the only thing that is constantly goes through my mind when I think of you is...it isn't fair.

You got what you wanted by ending your life and I don't get to have what I want.
I want you to meet Evie
I want you to meet some other really cool people that have become our friends
I want you to see the new Batman movies
I want to play cards with you again
I want to give you a hug
I want to tell you I love you
I want to tell you not to go
I want to wish you Happy Birthday in person and not on some stupid blog
I want to punch you in the face
I want to listen to you and Brian argue about something really dumb
I want to hear you laugh again
I want to know you can hear me
I want another day with you

It's not fair that I have to keep writing these letters.
I miss you.
I'm sad.
I love you still.
Gina

The Tortoise Known as Nugget

Yup. I'm blogging about our tortoise. Never thought I would, yet here I am, publicly displaying my feelings for a reptile. Don't judge. ;)

You might ask why I am posting about Nugget...well after a visit to the vet to get her beak (yes, beak) and nails trimmed, we also opted to do some blood work on her. Not because she has been sick or acting out of the ordinary, but because we bring her in every 5 years or so and figured, why not? Well, blood work shows that something is going on with her liver. I will get into more detail with that later, but for now...story time...

(If you don't want to read all of the background and memories, please scroll down. I won't be offended. I promise.)

If you know us, you know that in our house we are in possession of a tortoise. Her name is Nugget. She is located on the landing of our stairs and since we have a split entry, when you walk into our house you can see her cage. At first, many people are freaked out. They aren't sure what is living in the enclosure and want to make sure it isn't a snake. Once the inquiring mind is told that it is a tortoise, the questions begin...

• Really? Why?
• What is his or her or its name?
• How big is she? (She usually is hiding so at first glance people can't see her)
• How did you get her?
• What does she eat?
• What do you do with her?
• How long will she live?

It's almost inevitable that if you are meeting Nugget for the first time you are going to ask many if not all of these questions. So, here is the story of Nugget told from my perspective. 

Brian has always been drawn to turtles. My life has been in danger a few times now because we have stopped too quickly to help or not run over a turtle in the road. Seriously...scared for my life. But when Brian went to college his neighbors had this tortoise, so of course, he was very interested in her and what she was like. Toward the end of his first year, his neighbors were taking apart their room and asked Brian to keep her with him for the week. When it was time to head back home, they simply asked if he wanted her. So, Spring of 1996, Brian got a new pet tortoise named Nugget.

If you know Brian at all, you know that he does his research. Whether he is looking at new cars, or is just slightly interested in something, he is doing what he can to find out as much as he can about the topic. In searching he found out that Nugget was a Russian Tortoise. He also found out that she was a female. However, she wasn't in very good of shape. The previous owners didn't feed her right or take care of her very well. She was small and has signs of shell rot. She was (and still is) very skittish around people. Brian got her a kiddie pool and a warming lamp, and started feeding her romaine lettuce topped with a fruit or veggies such as: carrots, apples, cantaloupe or strawberries. Her shell started to heal and she started to grow at a more normal pace. 

Fast forward a few years and Brian is living with 3 of his friends in a house in Minneapolis. At the top of the stairs, outside the bedrooms and bathroom sat Nugget in her pool. This is the part of Nugget's life where she started to become an attraction. I'm not sure who came up with the idea, but the 4 guys in the house had their picture taken with Nugget. Then, some friends that came over regularly had their pictures taken with Nugget. Eventually, anyone who came into their house had to go upstairs and get their picture taken. The pictures were then posted on the walls surrounding Nugget. Some people were funny and acted like they were going to eat her. Others put her on their heads. Every once in a while you would see a picture of someone who REALLY didn't want to hold her, so you would see an arm in the picture while the person in the photo is smiling in the background. There are a lot of pictures of people we don't know but I would say the best one is from the Halloween party of the guy in the pink bunny costume. Classic.

Bunny Dude

 

Click here to see some more of these amazing photographs. Please note that we have SO many more pictures that are not shown on this site. So if you are reading this and don't see your picture and you know you have one, please be patient. We plan to get all of them out there.

We tried to continue this once we got our own house and got married, but we just didn't keep up with it.  That is something we may remedy going forward.  So now comes the point in the story where I come in. Once Brian and I decided to get married, Brian told me one night that he was thinking about giving Nugget to the MN Zoo. He knew that she would live a long time and didn't want to make me have her as a pet too. I immediately got very upset at him and couldn't believe he would give her up so easily. I told him that there is no way I wanted to give her up and shame on him for even THINKING it. Well, it turns out it was a little test for me and I passed. Jerk. 

So, we have a tortoise. Everyone loves to visit her and talk about her. "Hey, have you been to Brian and Gina's? They have a tortoise!" She has become a part of our lives and all of us love her. So, back to going to the visit to the vet...

Nugget's nails and beak grow because she doesn't have anything in her enclosure to wear them down on. So we have to get them trimmed. We have only done this twice in the 15 years Brian has had her so it isn't that big of a deal. The girls and I brought her in to Valley View Pet Hospital (AMAZING VET!) on Wednesday and after the vet looked her over he agreed that she is around 30 years old and is very strong. (These are good things). We started talking about her beak and what we can do to avoid coming in to get it trimmed. This included putting some grass or hay in her cage for her to chew on. He also mentioned that sometimes a beak will grow rather fast due to a liver issue that can occur. If we wanted to do blood work while she was under anesthesia to trim the beak, we could check for anything out of the ordinary. The vet wasn't overly concerned, but I told him to go ahead with the blood work and give me a call when we could pick her up. 

Well, we picked her up on Thursday and test results came back Friday. Something with her liver was off. I couldn't believe it. I immediately got tears in my eyes and wondered how I was going to tell Brian. He took the news well and called the Dr. with the results.

The only way to tell what was going on was to do a biopsy and although it can be done, it really isn't recommended. (The vet would have to cut through her shell. Yikes.) Whatever was wrong could be anything from a treatable condition to cancer. We just won't know. So, the vet recommended that we treat the symptoms. A shot every other day for 5 days (I think), along with medicine in her food. He also told us that he has seen tortoises have something like this and live 10 more years. There is just no telling what is going on inside that shell and what is going to happen. Brian was also concerned about her being in pain. The vet told us that multiple studies has been done on tortoises pain tolerance and the studies come up inconclusive. There has been no way to tell that tortoises even FEEL pain. 

Something you should know about me and Nugget...Brian feeds her and changes out her sand. I have a very hard time remembering that she is even in the house. It's not like she comes crawling up to me to cuddle or scratching at my leg to be let out. There are times during the winter where she doesn't eat for weeks! She isn't the most interactive pet. Don't get me wrong, I like the little bugger, but it is hard to remember we have her some days. Now, trying to come to grips with not having her in the house I feel completely devastated! I never realized how much I took her for granted. Not everyone has a pet like her in their house and I have to say I am really glad we have her.

So, as of now, I will be learning how to give Nugget a shot and just keeping everything as normal as possible for her. We will watch for signs of deterioration, but our hope is that the medicine takes care of whatever is going on with her and we can keep her in our lives for another 10 or more years.

Nugget

Baby #3 Turns 1!

Newborn

Is this happening? Are you really a year old already?

1 Month

Since birth, you have been an amazing child. You fought so hard to get into this world, and I am so glad you did. You are one of the happiest, most content babies I have ever met.

2 Months

You love the blanket that Grandma made for you. You love to play with it, on it and in it. It calms you when you are crabby and makes the best peek-a-boo toy when you are being silly.

3 Months

When you started to spend more time awake during the day we all got lost in your eyes. They are so big and so blue. You are a beautiful little girl inside and out.

4 Months

Mommy and Daddy weren't sure if we made the right choice for your name. Evie (or Eve) means life, and if we are talking about meanings, we definitely chose correctly. It is not a name you hear a lot and we wonder sometimes if you should have been Anna. For me, it only takes your sisters calling out to you and you flashing that big one dimpled smile to know we chose correctly.

5 Months

You are a fighter. Even at 5 and 6 months you want to do things on your own and you stand up for yourself. If your sisters take a toy away from you, you scream and grab it back. You are not going to be pushed around in this world. You already know how to hold your own.

6 Months

You have your own time to do everything. When you were ready to crawl, you got up on your hands and knees and rocked back and forth, back and forth. The first week you did this, we said "It will be any day now and she will be crawling." We waited. We waited some more. You were so close but didn't crawl. Finally, weeks later, you figured it out and have not stopped moving since. Now you are close to walking and the same thing is happening. You can stand on your own for quite a long time. You have been doing this for weeks. Have you started to walk? Nope. We have to wait for you to decide when the right time is. It's really hard to wait...just to let you know...

7 Months

I look at you, and you smile. Then the longer I look at you, you smile even bigger and it never fails, our comes your tongue. It is one of the cutest things you do even if you end up drooling all over the place.

8 Months

You were born in the year of boys. A month after you were born, Easton, was born. You two love to follow each other around the living room and, of course, you always want the same toy. We also love how you chatter away to him and he just smiles. In August, we welcomed your cousin Eli into this world. You have already started to show him the ropes of how this world works. September brought Brody and you liked to think of him as a prop. We found you almost sitting on his head and also using his head to push off of to try and stand up. He did not think this was cool. Then in November, daddy's cousin welcomed Nolan into their family on Thanksgiving. We haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with him, but man, does he seem like a peanut compared to you. There is one other thing these boys have in common...they are all first born children. You are the third child in our family and will have to fight for your own things and for attention. These boys are very lucky right now to not have to share toys or share their parents. You seem to take advantage of this. I encourage them to fight back. :)

9 Months

You love the bathroom and everything in it; especially the toilet. You think it is your own personal pool. So far you have only gotten into it twice and SO FAR there has just been water in it. I will continue to keep my fingers crossed. I will also continue to remind your sisters to shut the door.

10 Months

Your giggle is priceless. That is what I hear the most from friends and family. "If I could just record that little giggle she does and play it all day long, I would always be happy." It is just so cute. You don't have to be laughing or even think something is funny. You sometimes do it when someone smiles back at you or as a little add on to your smile. It is so unique and beautiful.

11 Months

Your during the past month or so, your tongue has been out of control. I don't know if it started when your top tooth came in, or if you just got into the habit of sticking it out, but right now it is out more than in. You spit and giggle at yourself, you smile and out comes your tongue. It is hilarious. 

12 Months

Today you are one year old. My third miracle. We lost a baby right before we got pregnant with you. It was very early in the pregnancy and the doctors told us we should wait a little while before we tried again. We didn't take their advice. I think about this a lot. What if we had waited? Would we have still gotten you? Maybe I wouldn't have hemorrhaged at 11 weeks if we had waited. But then I think that every thing that happened to you and to me was because it was suppose to. I used to think that things happened for a reason. I don't believe that anymore. I do believe that was the path that was put before us and we made it through together. You and me. You will most likely be my last baby. My last pregnancy. I can't say that I'm not sad about that. I will say that I am going keep taking deep breaths and keep living in the moments that you and your sisters put before me. It has only been a year little girl, and I can't wait to see what you are going to do in the next one.

I love you always.

Mommy.

Sour Grapes!

The other night at dinner, the green grapes were quite sour. The girls made sure we knew what their sour faces looked like. I thought I would share. Enjoy!

Natalie's sour face

Macie's sour face

Evie didn't get it. 

Baby #1 Turns 6!

On your 5th birthday I was trying to come to grips with the fact that you would be starting kindergarten in the fall. You seemed too old at the time.

By the time this picture was taken, you were half way through kindergarten and had become a big sister for the second time. You and Macie started to play outside by yourselves and love to come in for some hot chocolate to warm up before lunch.

Here you are. 6. There are not words to describe how I feel about you turning one year older. Happy, sad, amazed, proud, excited, and so many more that really don't even touch on how I truly feel. 

Some things about you:

• You are an amazing big sister. You help me out all the time. Whether it is running to get me something or unbuckling your sisters in the van once we get somewhere, you are a helper. Your sisters also look to you for help and guidance. They want to be where you are. Although this can be annoying at times, they love you and I hope you see it that way one day.
• This is the first year I have gotten to stay home with you and your sisters part time. It has been great. You love going to daycare, and you tell me that you love it, but when you get to be home with me, there are many kisses, hugs and "I love you Mama"s.
• You got to be in gymnastics and soccer this year. You love gymnastics and can't wait to start up again. You also love soccer because Daddy is your coach, although you wish there wasn't so much running.
• Kindergarten has been a lot of fun for you. I have watched you learn your star words and make new friends. We hear a lot about Ella and Connor in your class (not the Connor from across the street.) You circle words you know in our church bulletins and write our names on any piece of paper you can find. 
• You learned how to ride a two wheeler this year! You started off riding the little Dora bike in the basement at the end of the winter and once it was warm enough to ride outside, it just clicked. You haven't stopped since.
• You also lost two teeth so far and started to get in 4 molars. You lost your two bottom teeth and Evie just got two in! Daddy pulled your first tooth out and you were ok until you felt the hole in your mouth. You immediately started crying even though the worst part was over. We put your tooth under your pillow and the tooth fairy gave you $2. One to save or spend and one to donate. First you wanted to give your dollar to your Grandma and Grandpa, then after some talk about what donating meant, you decided to help the animals. You donated your dollar plus 4 more to the Humane Society. 
• When you first meet someone, you seem very shy, but usually all it takes is for that person to ask you to play or smile at you and you open up like a book. I love watching this transformation happen in just seconds. And when it is time to go, you make sure that you give hugs to EVERYONE! People melt when you hug them.
• I know there is a lot more I can say about you, but these are the main things that come to mind right now.

I love you big girl. I wish there was some way to stop you from growing up because it makes me sad. I also know that there is a lot of fun stuff coming up and I am really excited for that. So, I will just keep writing and posting pictures so I can try and remember what you were like at this exact moment.

Love Always,

Mommy.

Chili of the White Variety

I got this recipe from a friend of mine and I love it! You can cook the chicken in the crock pot with all the other ingredients and it shreds and falls apart beautifully, but you can also cook the chicken in the oven first, then put all the ingredients in the crock pot and cook. If you choose to cook it that way, it will only take 2-3 hours in the crock pot.

White Chicken Chili
3 or 4 chicken breasts (preferably thawed, but I have used frozen)
2 15 oz. cans of Northern Beans
1 16 oz. jar of GF salsa
1 lb Monterrey Jack cheese - cubed or shredded to melt
1 14 oz. can diced tomatoes with green chilies (Or another canned diced tomato blend that you like)
1 tbsp. GF taco sauce

Cook 4-5 hours in crock pot on medium. The longer this is able to sit, the better.

*As always check your ingredients if you are making this recipe gluten free. We use Pace salsa and Ortega taco sauce. Right now they are gluten free, but I check the labels consistently for any changes that may have been made.

Soups On!

This is so easy to make. It is what I call a "dump soup" because all you need to do is open a bunch of cans and DUMP it in the pot! It is in the regular rotation at our house all through the winter. Thanks Aunt Theresa for the recipe!

Southwest Soup
1 lb.  chicken breasts (I use 3 or 4 chicken breasts - depending on how big they are, or get a rotisserie chicken and use the breast and some of the dark meat too.) Cut into bite size pieces.
1 small onion - chopped (or half of a medium onion)
4 garlic cloves
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 cans corn - drained
2 cans black beans - rinsed and drained
1 32 oz. box of chicken broth (gluten free if desired)
2 cans diced tomatoes with green chili - NOT drained
2 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. chili powder
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper (optional)

*This is the amount I make for my family and it is enough to have leftovers. If you would like to make a smaller batch decrease ingredients by half. It will also freeze well.

Dump all ingredients into a stock pot and heat. Eat when ready!

We like to eat this like a salsa with tortilla chips.

We'll All Float On Alright

Dear Rory,

Yep. Its been about that long since I have written you a letter. You come sneaking up on me when I least expect it. I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing, but it definitely is a thing.

This week it was Natalie. We were at church and instead of having the prayers of the people read by one person, sometimes the congregation writes their prayers down and we bring them up to a basket at the front of the church. Sunday was one of those times. I asked Natalie if there was anyone she wanted to pray for, if she knew of anyone who was sick that she wanted to feel better. She said "Rory." I was completely caught off guard.

Her prayer went something like this (with some guidance from me):
Dear God, I hope Rory feels better now that he is up in heaven with you. Love Natalie.

Then, today Brian and I were cleaning out our room and he found a notebook with a score sheet in it. It was the last time we played "Jables" with you. Not to mention all the pictures from your funeral that we had hidden in a drawer because we couldn't look at them anymore.

Finally, in a conversation that Brian had with his aunt about music, Modest Mouse's Float On was brought up. All day it has been playing in my head. Maybe this is the next stage of my grief. Maybe it is the next stage of understanding my faith. Am I letting you go?  Is God trying to heal my heart? I'm not sure about any of that. What I am sure about is that it's a damn good song.

I miss you terribly.
I love you dearly.
I'm sad you're not here.
Gina

Enchilada!

Are you wondering why I am posting all of these recipes? Well, let me tell you...

Brian has work wives. Yes, work wives. It isn't enough to just have me. He has not one but TWO work wives. I don't think he was looking for them. He must have a helplessness about him and some women must be drawn to that. Or, he is starting to produce estrogen. Either way, when we have a lot of left overs from dinner, Brian will bring extra a share. (Yes, he did well in kindergarten.)

On top of sharing my meals with the ladies, he proceeded to show them our Google Calendar. Each of us in the family has a color that shows up on the calendar when we have things going on. Well, there is also a dinner calendar. I plan meals for about two weeks, and buy groceries accordingly. It has taken me a LONG time to work this out, but when Natalie was diagnosed with Celiac, I had to plan more. I didn't have a choice. No more fast food or Campbell's Soup casseroles for us. There are also weeks that I don't plan because I fell off the wagon, but I try and do it because it helps us eat healthier meals.

So, the wives have wanted a couple of my recipes and I thought this was the easiest way for them as well as others to get some new dinner ideas.

This is one of Brian's favorite meals that I make. My mom used to make enchiladas using Hormel Chili instead of enchilada sauce. Imagine my surprise that while grocery shopping one day, I found sauce specifically for ENCHILADAS! However, I did not notice that the sauce came in mild and hot, and I proceeded to buy the hot. I make sure to check the label now. I adapted my mother's recipe and came up with this. Enjoy!

Enchiladas
1 lb. hamburger
2 cans refried beans
2 c. shredded cheese (I use Colby Jack, but you can use what you have in the fridge)
1 or 2 cans enchilada sauce - depending on how many you are making
2 packages of burrito size flour tortillas
lettuce
salsa or tomato or both
avocado
tortilla chips
sour cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brown hamburger in large pan and drain grease. Add refried beans and 1 c. shredded cheese. Mix and warm until smooth and cheese is melted. Scoop meat/bean mixture into tortillas. I usually use a soup spoon and put two heaping spoonfuls into a tortilla and roll it up pretty snug. Continue to do this until all mixture is used. For me, this usually makes about 10-12 enchiladas.

If making 4 enchiladas:
Use one can enchilada sauce. Spray bottom of glass 8x11 or 9x13 with cooking spray. Pour small amount of sauce onto the bottom of your dish and spread around to coat. If you forget to do this, your enchiladas will stick to the bottom of your baking dish. Place 4 enchiladas into your dish and pour the rest of the enchilada sauce over the enchiladas. Cover with foil and bake for 30-40 min until sauce is bubbly. Remove from oven, take off the foil and top with 1 cup cheese. Put back into oven uncovered until cheese is melted. Serve with taco toppings. Enjoy!

BONUS!
What I love about this recipe is that sometimes I will just make the enchiladas and wrap 4-5 of them in plastic wrap and put them in the freezer. When I want to make them, I grab them out of the freezer, put them in a dish, cook and dinner is done! You can thaw them or cook them frozen. Just follow the steps above. If you are cooking them frozen, they will take 50-60 minutes.

GLUTEN FREE
I know you think I've lost my marbles saying this recipe is gluten free. Because, its not. But when we have enchiladas, what I will do, is save some of the meat/bean mixture for Natalie and spread it on corn tortillas for her and cook it on the stove top, like a quesadilla but with beans and meat instead of just cheese. I have tried using corn tortillas instead of flour for this recipe, but haven't quite mastered it yet. The corn tortillas get all cracked and crumbly. Also, be careful which enchilada sauces you are buying. Some are gluten free and some aren't.

Skyrockets in flight. Mexican Delight!

One of our family favorites AND makes quite a bit, so there is always leftovers. Thanks Sarah for sharing this recipe with me.


Mexican Delight

1 lb hamburger

Onion 

Salt & Pepper

1 ¼ tsp. oregano

1 ¼ tsp. sugar

1 ¼ tsp. cumin

1 small can tomato paste

1 - 15 oz can tomato sauce

¾ cup uncooked rice (makes about 1 ½ cup cooked)

Brown hamburger with onion, salt and pepper (to taste)

I don’t really measure out the onion I just put in as much as I think is a good amount, My guess is about ½ medium onion or 1 small onion

Drain grease. Add tomato paste, tomato sauce, oregano, sugar, and cumin. 

Cook rice and add to tomato/meat mixture.

I put this on top of Fritos but I have used taco chips too. 

Top with regular taco toppings: sour cream, cheese, salsa, lettuce and avocado.

Baby #2 turns 4!

Here you are my love on your 3rd birthday. Wow, you look little. Still, those big, beautiful, bluish green eyes are melting my heart. 

Half way through your 3rd year and I can already see a difference. You are growing up. I'm not sure if it is because by the time this picture was taken you had become a big sister, or just that each day you seem to grow an inch. 

Here you are. 4 years old.

This is what I have noticed about you so far...

• You don't give your smiles to just anyone. If someone wants to get to know you, they have to work for it
• You are a string bean! I have finally told Grandma to only buy leggings or sweat pants for you. No other pants will stay up on that skinny butt of yours. Even the leggings have difficulty saying up on your hips.
• You are very strong willed and stubborn. It is a blessing and a curse my love. I am still struggling to get a handle on it -  you are, in many ways, me when it comes to your personality
• You love being a sister. When Evie came along, we got to see how truly big your heart is. You are the first one to run to her when she is crying or to come and tell me that she needs something. I know you will always be there to watch out for your little sister
• Your speech has come a long way. There are still a few times where I'm not quite sure what you are saying to me, but once you slow down you are able to get your point across
• You can't wait to go to school. You see Natalie come home from school and hear her talk about her friends and her teachers. You think it is so unfair that you can't go too. Soon my dear
• There is something about your personality that I can't really explain. There have been many times in your four years where my heart is overflowing with love for you. Then, within 2 minutes you have found a way to make me angry! It's true talent
• I love that when you wake up, you want to cuddle. Its one of my favorite things ever

You are an amazing little girl Macie and I love you. Happy Birthday.

In Their Words Wednesday

I am so behind on my posts! I fount this one and forgot to post it quite a while ago. Not very long, but still...enjoy!

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Macie: My baby is sleeping
Molly: Oh. What's your baby's name?
Macie: No, not a baby. A tuppy. (puppy)
Molly: Well, what's your puppy's name?
Macie: Tulta
Molly: Tulta?
Me: Sulsa?
Macie: Yea, Tulta!

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Every once in a while Natalie will be talking to Evie and soon we will hear...

Look Mommy! She's givin me the BIG EYES!

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