The letters are coming few and far between. It's been more than a year since the last one. I have been putting this off for a while now. Throughout this last summer you have been haunting my thoughts. Popping up here and there without warning and I have to say, it's not always sad, but it isn't always happy.
We had the group over in July to say goodbye to Bob and Elena, and I caught myself imagining what you would be doing if you were there. Playing 500 with the guys, having deep conversations with the kids, complaining that we didn't have music playing. I really wanted you there.
We got to see Paul and Karen this summer at their new place. It is beautiful. It has been so long since we have seen them and I was glad we were able to meet up. I was so excited to see them and when Karen came out to hug me...I just cried. Well, so did she. This odd mixture of happiness and sadness. I think we could see it in each other. We both needed that hug.
Life continues to move on and to be honest, I'm not quite sure how to feel about you anymore. Grateful that I knew you, angry with your death, devastated at the thought of never getting to talk to you again. Memories about you aren't as painful as they used to be, but the dark cloud of sadness isn't far behind as the memories fade.
I wish the girls could have spent time with you. Natalie is such an amazing kid. If anyone could convince you that you were worth loving it would be her. Macie would benefit from your lessons on charm, although at this point it would just be tips. And Evie, she would pour over comics with you all day. You would have enjoyed them and they would have loved you.
Grief, sadness, memories, time. I just have to continue to navigate through it. I do believe things will get better, but I will never let you go.
I miss you.
I still wish you were here.
Gina
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