Who is tapping me on the shoulder?

A couple of weeks ago I posted about life and life changes. Well, I'm going to come clean and say that there were some things in the works when I posted that blog entry. Here we go...

About a month or so ago a friend of mine from another school in the district asked me to job share with her. At the time, it just didn't seem doable. I didn't want to leave my current school and I didn't think we could cut my paycheck in half and make life work. Two weeks ago someone from the school that I am currently working in asked me to job share out of the blue. She teaches kindergarten and was looking to go to part time. She had other options, but knowing I was pregnant with Baby #3 and job sharing herself with three kids a little while ago, she just thought she would ask. Well, she got me thinking. SERIOUSLY thinking. CRYING I was thinking so hard.

Was God tapping me on the shoulder? Slow down Gina. Think about this. I'm not going to tap again.

Brian and I made lists, budgets, talked with friends, family and daycare. We talked about what life would look like with that kind of pay cut and what would come out of me working part time. Some of it added up just fine and some of it didn't. It came down to time with the kids. Do you get that time back? No. Do I want to be a stay at home mom full time? No. Do I want to leave teaching? No.

Job sharing seems to be the best of both worlds and I am very excited to give it a try. Well, today I got word that the district approved the job share so that is the plan next year. My friend will be coming to first grade and we will be splitting weeks instead of splitting days. I will work Monday's and Tuesday's and she will work Thursday's and Friday's and we will work every other Wednesday. Overall we will each work 87 of the 174 student contact days out of the year. So I will get a four or five day weekend every week. Sweet! I will get to be home with the new baby and the girls two or three days out of the work week. Awesome! I will get to continue to teach. Great!

So, thank you for tapping.

More Bacon Than the Pan Can Handle

It's late and restless leg is getting the best of me. I first experienced restless leg when I was pregnant with Natalie and I have to say, I think it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have ever experienced. I had it with Macie as well, but it came a little earlier in the pregnancy. With this baby, it came on much earlier. Since I was on bed rest from week 11, the uncomfortable feeling in my legs came at 12 weeks. I had been hoping that the feeling would subside a little when I went back to work full time and was on my feet more, but, no such luck. Now, here I sit at 12:09 at night with my mind racing and my legs wanting to run along with it.

I am a full time working mom. It is not something I am ashamed of. I love what I do and feel that I would not be a good stay at home mom. Some women are meant to be at home with their kids. They come up with activities, sign up for classes and can keep up a routine. I have the opportunity to do this every summer and can manage a routine for a good two weeks before it all falls apart. My job is where I have structure, routine and sanity; even if it does involve twenty-one 6 year olds.

Baby #3 is what has my mind going tonight. July is the scheduled time for this child to come into our lives and I don't feel as if I will have enough time with him/her. Natalie was born in May, so I got to have the full summer to get to know her and being that I was just starting my job, I was excited to get to start work. Macie was a February baby and even though it was difficult to drop her off at daycare at 6 weeks old, I knew that summer wasn't far away and we would have time together. Baby #3's time seems to be cut short. Depending on when baby makes his/her grand entrance, week six comes right around workshop week and I am in it for the year. When do I get to know this child? Unless God has a different plan for us, Brian and I are planning on this being our last child. I don't want to miss out on anything because of work, but I don't think I can handle being a full time stay at home mom either.

It's not like there isn't options; there are. Having options means that decisions need to be made. Making decisions is going to turn our family down one path or another. There is not a "right" path. The choice is the difficult part - left or right. I continue to pray for guidance and peace of mind and know that with time, things will work themselves out.

What a Day

Today has been interesting. First of all, I want to say that I am now addicted to finding blog backgrounds. I have started this new blog and all I want to do is search for cute and fun backgrounds to apply to my blog. Please do not be surprised to see my page change weekly. I definitely have a problem. It is very similar to my addiction to scrapbooking paper. In the words of Depeche Mode, "I just can't get enough." (Yes, I had to look that up.)

At school, the highlight of my morning was when one of my first graders wrote a story about a hoop named Basket and a basketball named Ball. The problem in this story is that the net breaks. When I asked my student if the problem was going to be fixed by Basket going to see a net doctor, he looked at me like "Are you nuts?" and said "No. They are just going to glue it." Ok then.

Next, we headed up to school with Natalie for kindergarten round up. I have to say this was very weird for me. It is hard for me to be a parent in these situations. I walk in a school and my brain switches into teacher mode and I see a bunch of parents with their kids and forget that I am part of that group too. Its weird. I sat there listening to the principal talk about lots of stuff, all good information for parents to know, and didn't feel like she was talking to me. Natalie was super excited and kept asking which teacher she was going to have and which classroom was hers. We walked in all the rooms, met a couple of the teachers and where ever she ends up, she is going to love it.

Finally, more reality set in. We walked into the gym to sit down for the presentation and there are two lunch tables set up with activities for the kids. One table had crayons and color sheets, the other had a snack on it; graham crackers, pretzels, animal crackers and some frosting. Gluten, gluten and more gluten. Brian's response, "And it starts here for Natalie." Wow. My heart sank.

Most of the time I have accepted that Celiac Disease is a part of our lives. It is not as big of a deal as I once thought it would be. Natalie is an amazing kid and very responsible when it comes to what she can and cannot eat. I have thought many times about what school is going to be like for her when it comes to food. It is OUR responsibility as parents to provide for her. I do not expect the school or the teachers to work around her food needs or be responsible for providing for her. Parents who want the world changed because their child has food needs or otherwise, tend to urk me. That's right. I said URK. Is Natalie different? Yes. Am I sad that she cannot have the same foods other kids can have? Yes. Do I expect everyone to cater to her? Absolutely not. Yes, there are times when I will try my hardest to get her something that is the same as everyone else, but the reality is, she isn't like everyone else and the earlier she realizes that, the better off she will be, in my opinion. I have already witnessed her talking to some of her friends when they ask her why she has to have special foods and she is so matter of fact. She just looks at them and says, "Well, that has gluten and I can't have gluten. I have a special (donut, cookie, cracker, whatever it happens to be that day) and it won't hurt my tummy." What a kid.

The days pass and my belly gets bigger. Baby #3 is a mover and a shaker. I worry about what baby is going to do to my insides once he/she gets bigger and doesn't have as much room to do the somersaults he/she is so fond of. Time will tell.

Do I start to blog again? Or Not...

I have recently switched to this blog site because the one I was using previously was blocked at work. I also like that this blog is a google application and I use some of their apps already. The last post on the other blog was another letter to Rory. I am glad I still write them and think that it is very therapeutic for me when I am feeling very emotional about him. However, there has been a lot going on in the past six months that I would like to touch on as well. So, here goes...

September: The school year started off great and after going back and forth about having another child, Brian and I decided, why not. Unfortunately, the pregnancy didn't stick and we lost the baby at six weeks. Although this was hard, there was so much support and love surrounding me I got through that time okay. Natalie started her second year of preschool (two days a week) and, just like last year, loved school and her teacher. Macie continues to come into her own and started to talk a lot more. Molly who had been living with us for about 18 months bought her own town home and moved out. Brian and I are so proud of all of the steps she has made to move forward in her life.

October: We were told to wait, and didn't listen. October came around and I was pregnant...again. We are so blessed to not have fertility problems and everything felt different about this pregnancy. We made it to the apple orchard a couple of times and Halloween was a blast.

November: Nothing exciting. November was a boring month.

December: I started to show already and also found out that our neighbors were also going to be having a baby. We were all so excited. Got though Rory's birthday. Got through Rory's death day. The month seemed to fly by, but just in time for Christmas, Dec. 21, I started to bleed. I was 11 weeks and thought I was going to miscarry. I made it through the night without too much more bleeding and after another ultrasound it looked as if the baby was fine, but that I had a hemorrhage. We later found out that the placenta had tore away from the wall of my uterus and caused the bleed. I was put on bed rest and tried to learn what that meant. I still don't completely know.

January: I didn't return to work until I could see my Dr. and decide what was best for me and the baby. Our family, friends, neighbors and church surrounded us with support and prayers throughout the entire situation. It was amazing. I went back to work part time from the second week of January and was glad to be out of the house for part of the day. My father in law passed the winter time away by building the girls beautiful bunk beds which they absolutely love. I was also sent to a perinatologist to have a level 2 ultrasound done to check out how things were progressing with the baby. 20 weeks was the benchmark I had to make it to, so I had to continue to take it easy and just wait.

February: I had a birthday and Macie had a birthday. I can't believe she is 3. What an amazing little girl she has become. I also had my 20 week ultrasound with the perinatologist at which point he said "You healed yourself! I told you you would." And, life returned to normal...somewhat. The stress was gone and I went back to work full time. This was a very good thing. :)

March: March also came and went quickly. I was glad to be back at work full time and I think my students were glad too...I think. Now that the stress of a high risk pregnancy was gone my belly popped out more than ever and the baby was moving around like nothing was ever wrong. We continued to switch the playroom to a nursery and the name search had begun. Natalie wants a brother and Macie wants a sister, however when asked who gets to decide these things they both answer "God." Thats right little girls! Natalie has mentioned suggestions for names though: Boy: Trent, Girl: Sparkle. Thank you 4 year old.

April: April is well on its way and the baby is more active than ever. Both Brian and I thought that we would always have 3 girls, but we both get the feeling that this one is a boy. Heartrates continue to be between 150-155 bpm, but the movement just doesn't stop. Especially from 6-11pm.

All in all, we are loving life and can't wait for what the rest of the year has to bring us. I hope I can continue to find time to post on this blog. It is a way for me to journal and remember. If people read it, that's great, but really I just need a place to share and vent...whether anyone is listening or not. :)